“Are You…. Lost, Dear? Have you lost दिशा, Disha? asked Rohan.
“Stop the jokes. Its damn annoying. And Yes. Terribly.”
“How did you get there?”
Disha thought for a while.
“I dunno. Maybe because I am searching for the wrong answers. From the wrong people- who have the same questions like I do and don’t know it themselves. Ummm I guess, they aren’t mine as well. I just call them mine coz I heard it once upon a time and it stayed with me.. I think they are some body else’s questions. No, wait. I don’t think. I am sure they are some one else‘s.”
“So, what do you think you should do about it?” questioned Rohan.
“Well, thinking of it, I know I should do what I want to do and all that. But I have gone so much into this, following the crowd, following someone else’s plan. Someone else’s Heart and someone else’s Mind. I don’t know how this all happened. Maybe some of us are conditioned that way. I don’t know.” she mumbled. She could feel her volume reducing gradually as she went on to say this.
“But tell me one thing- When you haven’t really seen the world enough and barely even know what’s happening out there, Is seeking answers from people wrong, Rohan?”
“No Disha. It’s good to talk to new people, gain from their experience. But doing it because they did it and worked for them is not sensible all the time. Their experience should not limit your options, instead it should be a seed using which you can grow your own kind of tree”
She thought about it. Something told her that Rohan was right.
“How has your experience been when you ask people about their opinions?”
Disha explained, “I seek guidance from people who I think are sane and a bit mature than me. I usually ignore the crackpot types. But yea, I have been on the wrong course SOME times because I have seeked guidance from those who have gone off course or were just plain wrong at that point of time. Example- The Astrologer next door. I heard him out and was extremely surprised and even shocked for a moment, at what he said. And instead of doing what I wanted to do and believing my self, I went ahead with what he foretold. I believed him and what he said, thinking that since such a qualified person is predicting this, it must be true. But I guess I was wrong. I listened to friends who din’t know what was best for me. And now when I see my contemporaries, I see the crackpots doing great in life and here I am, wondering what to do next. I guess I don’t know whom to listen to and whom to not.”
Maybe I am lost because in between the noise, the chaos, the advice, the lessons and the RULES, that I lost my voice, my direction and myself.
Rohan sensed her innermost feelings. It was not difficult to sense it from her face. He said, “We are seeking opinions from people around us all the time. It’s become a way to seek validation, which is good at times. But it becomes dangerous most of the time, because we also keep wanting love and attention from those who don’t really love us. We don’t feel good enough because even the people who love us judge us, criticize us and don’t always understand us. We are scared because we’re told that we need to stay safe. Stay cool. Stay away from things that make us look bad. We don’t feel strong anymore because we gave our power to others when we failed to trust ourselves and when we thought they knew better, because of their qualification or experience. We stop being true to ourselves and try to fit in. We try to belong and be part of something that we don’t really belong to.
And we don’t change it coz somewhere we get used to it or there is something that we assume that there is a block which in reality is a figment of your imagination.”
Flashbacks of memories came one after another and tears appeared in those lovely blue eyes. She was used to so many toxic things at present- the relationship she was in, the toxic job she had to do. The sins she had promised herself -that it would be just a trial and nothing more. But ofcourse she had failed coz everyone did it and was the so called norm. It was time to prioritize and focus on one thing at a time.
“Maybe we just need to pause. We need to take a break from people; even the closest people to us and stop listening to them for a while. Maybe we just need to be alone to forget all the ways people look at us so we can be able to see ourselves clearly. Maybe we need to be alone to listen to our silence instead of the words people don’t say when they’re secretly judging us. Maybe we need to be alone to figure out who we are without people telling us who we should be. Maybe it’s time to put ourselves first and believe that we have the wisdom and the courage we need to follow our own plan. To listen to our intuition. To go in a different direction. Maybe its time to find the place that we truly belong to; or create our own space and be comfortable there. To let only a few trusted people in our inner circle. To enjoy the small things in life and use what we have learnt for our best. To NOT follow a culture just because it’s fancy, but to cherish what we OWN toand what we know works for us.”
And suddenly she was reminded why she loved Rohan so much and his therapy sessions even more.
She wasn’t anxious any more. Because she knew this- As long as you can manage to have a heart to heart, quality conversation with a person who can understand you completely, you can NEVER BE LOST.